And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize