you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
