There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
