Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
