do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize