he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize