I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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