i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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