At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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