we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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