she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
