At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize