omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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