Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dear god my vagina.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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