so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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