Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
