Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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