I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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