I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
