i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
