Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
