is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
