how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
