Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
