god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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