my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do vagina's smell?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
