Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
