yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
