i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
