Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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