I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
