I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize