Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
zippers are such a cool invention
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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