i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
