...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
