New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
