I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
BRING THE BAGELS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
