and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
