i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
