So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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