I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
