Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
