Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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