My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
