hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
