I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
