My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im holly from the hills drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
