So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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