Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
