you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize