btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
