Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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