I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
