Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She needs sedatives and a leash
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize