i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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