my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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