No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
