The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
