Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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