He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
