we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
