I'm pants shitting drunk right now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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