But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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