Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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