My friends, they love my intelligence
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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