shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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