my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
