i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
