Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
