I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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