I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My dick has a subreddit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
