I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
