I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
