My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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