May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
