i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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