If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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