He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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