were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
