I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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