this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
