when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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