Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
