i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
