ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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