God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
