Yo dont text me then not text me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
