How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
