3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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