She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
