listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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