Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
