I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
